Around February or March 2002, Barbara and I decided that we did indeed want to have a kid. We were getting older and realizing we would be sad if ended up with a family. We were waiting until we were more ready, but that time wasn't really approaching and we were getting a lot older (31 yrs old, both of us).

After around 5-6 months of not trying very hard, we conceived and were due on April 4, 2003.

Barbara, in rough terms, spent the first month sick in bed (and sleeping). She wasn't throwing up, but she certainly was displeased with the world and wanted to hide. Well, the whole first trimester was very similar.

Towards the end of the first trimester, her hips started falling apart. She was already hyper mobile in her joints and the little bit of relaxin hormone did her in. She spent the rest of the entire pregnancy in pretty bad pain from joint problems. In the last month or so, but not the very last week, she had actually mostly adapted to the joint problems.

Most of the problems that came up during pregnancy, she would get over in a month or so :). There was a whole string of aches & pains, joint issues, finger locking, etc. The last week she was in true "about to pop" mode, i.e. everything was super exaggerated as to how hard it was to do. This included getting in and out of the car, shoes & socks, etc... and all the 'coping' she had been doing wasn't working.

During most of the pregnancy, most people wanted to know if it was a boy or girl and what the name was. Early on we had decided not to peek for many reasons. Well, I did want to peek but we compromised on the following. We decided to look only if we were getting a medically necessary sonogram, i.e. it didn't cost us anything.

At first, we were going to the only OB group in Lawrence that was on my insurance. When we interviewed, we talked with the nurse practitioner and it sounded like a very progressive place with lots of what we wanted. We toured the maternity ward and the facilities were awesome. We were truly looking forward to the experience.

Then her hip issue started. As it progressed, Barbara did a lot of looking to see which pains were real, which were in her head, etc. and she found that there were positions that were a LOT better than the standard lithotomy position (i.e. lying on back) for delivery.

We approached the doctor and he told us point blank there was no way he would consider any position other than the semi-recumbent (a version of lithotomy) and lying on the side. We gathered a bunch of evidence on how squatting was much better and he said "it doesn't matter what you sign (i.e. our asking about releases), if there were complications and a crying mother and sick baby were on the stand, I would fry". There you go in a nutshell. People have been refusing to take personal responsibility for their choices and thus everyone is forced into the path of least liability concerns.

Anyway, Barbara was frantic. Her friend was permanently injured during delivery of a large baby while in the lithotomy position. She was seriously concerned about permanent hip injury (her joints were already in bad shape). At that time, I still had the "just ask the doctor" and "the doctor knows best" opinion. This is really interesting considering just how rebellious I am.

With Barbara freaking out, I decided that the best way to be supportive was to help find and encourage her to use the alternatives we had available. She had to beat me over the head with some research, but once I read it, I came around and was a strong advocate for leaving the OB practice and going to the Birth and Women's Center (BWC). This included if we had to just pay the whole lot out of pocket (not a pleasant thought with our cash flow this low).

Our first visit there was in the childbirth classes. They were starting before our "intro" appointment, and they wanted us to get into this rotation so we would actually complete the classes :). The classes went fine and focused on the things that were of the most use (we could not cover it all).

As time progressed, we were very happy with the BWC. The midwives were great and everything went really well. The insurance company was very obstinent about it being out of network (even though it saved them many thousands of dollars *grump*). The BWC acknowledged Barbara's concerns about her hips and were more than willing to deliver in any position she wanted.

In the mean time, we were working on trying to pick out a pediatrician. There seems to be only one practice in Lawrence (monopolies are way too common in Lawrence). Of the 5 doctors, one was specifically recommended against and two were said to be good. Well, we interviewed the two "good" ones, and they were far less acceptable than we had hoped. We had several recommendations for excellent family practice doctors, but not pediatricians. We ended up picking Terrance Riordan. He seems to be a good doctor so far. We'll see as things progress.

As the pregnancy neared the end, Barbara was doing OK, but getting really tired and worn out. The last few weeks were very tiring and she was having a lot of trouble getting around. One of the last restaurants we dined at, she had a tremendous amount of trouble getting up and down.

I kept wishing for her to "nest". This did not seem to be something she was interested in doing, so I ended up doing it for her. On April 4, 2003 (Friday), I came home from work and cleaned the daylights out of the house. We're talking the full deal including bathrooms, mopping, etc... the "BIG" cleaning. It took about 6 hours and I was exhausted. So, around midnight I slip into bed and crash.

Around 3am I awake to the sounds of the dog (who is wearing one of those head cones so she would quit pestering a sore) who was walking around hitting the door frames making a lot of racket. I notice Barbara was up and asked about the dog. She tells me that was the dog making the noise.

Then she asks "so, how awake are you". I reply "how awake do I need to be". She replies "Well, my water broke". I reply "I guess I am pretty awake then".

We did the "TACO" test from the birth center. T = Time = 3am A = Amount = About a cup C = Color = Clear (good!) O = Odor = None (good!)

These results said "go back to bed, call us in the morning", i.e. no merconium or foul smelling discharge, no need to get worked up until morning. So, we TRIED to go back to sleep. But, I couldn't pass up the opportunity to write in my journal "water broke, back to sleep" (with the 3:30am timestamp :).

But, there was no sleep going to happen. We were both wide awake. She also started having contractions, so we broke out her computer which had a "contraction timing" program on it. She also got in the bathtub (one of her favorite places to be :). She would yell out "start" and "stop" and I would press the buttons on the timer. She had been having contractions on Friday and decided a timer would be way too fun to have :).

I needed to get up and make her some food. Your advised to have a light meal before coming in, so we wanted to get her some food. I was having a real issue in that her contractions were only a few minutes apart and so I was only getting about 60-120 seconds in the kitchen. So, I devised a plan. I pulled out one of the monitoring systems we had and I put the base (baby) station in the bathroom, and put the receiver in the kitchen. That way I could start and stop when she said so, and still be able to cook. This was a big improvement in life, and I felt like SUCH a geek :).

Around 5am the contractions had been going on strong for around a minute each and 2-8 minutes apart and had been that way for an hour. This was listed as "when to call" / head in, so we went ahead and called the BWC. We were there only around 2 hours before we had her and a few more hours before we headed home.

To back up a hair, we knew that Katie was most likely to join us that weekend because it affected literally the most number of people. I wanted to pick up all the sticks and limbs in the pasture from the big burn (i.e. so the tractor could drive through the tall grass and not hit "mines"), David and Chris had a concert, both midwives at the BWC were at a conference in KC (i.e. doctor Josie was on call), the nurse probably wanted to watch KU play in the final four, and Mark & Sam had a fencing tournament they needed to attend in order to qualify for the national competitions.

The good news is that Katie was nice enough to come early so that very few of these inconveniences came true. Mark and Sam made their concert and Lori the nurse was able to watch the game. David and Chris missed their concert and I did not get to pick up sticks that year (guess I will get them the next year). Dr. Josie did need to come in to deliver the baby.

OK, back to the timeline. We showed up around 7am and fretted for a second or two because nobody was there. Dr. Josie (she prefers to be called that even though her real name is Dr. Josie Norris) showed up only a few seconds behind us and opened up the center. She asks "do you have any room preferences" and Barbara just says "WATER". Only one of the rooms has a big huge tub in it, so we went to that one. Barbara had her only exam and she was 6-7 cm dilated and the baby was engaged. She hopped in the tub and "zenned out".

Mark and Sam showed up early on and we took turns being near Barbara while she was "zenned out" and having her contractions. She really didn't need much of anything from us, so we sat around talking. Now, this group of people likes to geek, so she did come back to the world and declared we needed to stop geeking. OK, so we changed subjects and down into her Zen state she went again.

After a while Lori Strucker (the nurse, and also the person who taught the birth classes) came in, examined the situation, sat with us a while, and watched a couple of contractions. Dr. Josie had to run out for a couple minutes to take her kids somewhere (guess we impacted more than I thought), and Lori was getting concerned about the fact that Katie was crowning. So, we got Barbara out of the water and she started paging Dr. Josie (as in "no really, Katie is coming now whether Josie is here or not"), but Dr. Josie came in right about that time.

Barbara ended up picking the laying on side position anyway, Mark supported her upper leg, Sam stroked her forehead and held her hand. I got to catch :). I tried the compresses and perinal massage, but alas, the kid was coming out way too fast for any of that mess :). During one of the final contractions, Barbara let out a massive wail at the top of her lungs and out pops the head.

Keep in mind that even though I keep referring to Katie, but we had no idea gender or name. When the head popped out, I just saw a cute face ... I had no concept of gender still. I remembered thinking "wow ... I still can't tell it's gender". Once the head popped out, Josie did reach down and pulled the cord from around her head, and then did it again. But, it was incredibly loose, so we aren't worried about it. After the contraction ended where the head had popped out, Josie asked if Barbara could push again before the next contraction. She piped up in a tone that was downright cheerful "sure!" (it was strange, trust me). And out comes the rest of Katie.

I was holding my messy little girl, though I had forgotten to look for gender, and was just amazed. Dr. Josie had suctioned out the nose and throat when she was still half in (and we even heard a small yell when she was still partially in). Someone reminded me to put her on Barbara's chest (doh!!!) and so I did. Someone asked "did you look at the gender" and I felt dumb, but it really wasn't something I stressed about. They said "it's a girl!" and we were happy. We had been wishing for a Girl and we had one. We would have been happy either way, but we did want a girl.

About this time, Dave and Chris showed up. We had called them at 4am with a "you may consider heading this way at your convenience", so they went back to sleep. Then we called around 6am saying "are you planning to head this way" and found they had gone back to sleep. I think I called around 7:15 saying "no, we're really in and it's going to happen" and found they had .... errr .... partaken of each other's company and after that was spending a lot of time "cooking" and were not only a few minutes out that I had expected. They hadn't left yet (around 90 minutes away). They also decided to stop for McDonalds on the way in, and got lost a little. So, they walked in a few minutes after the kidlet came out. *sigh*. David had missed his only kid's delivery and we all really wanted them to be present.

Oh yeah: David & Chris are the god-grand-parents, and Mark & Sam are the god-parents.

Anyhow, kidlet was out and on mom's chest. I was watching this huge pool of blood and wasn't real happy about it. There was a double tear and I overheard Lori asking about Barbara and Josie saying "I would really like that bleeding to have stopped a while ago". I didn't feel this important to relay to mom :). The bleeding did stop, and stitches were applied.

We sat around taking a few thousand pictures in film and digital, with black and white and multiple film formats covered. Barbara and I snuggled some, and the kid and I snuggled some, etc...

Barbara felt incredibly cold and so we kept turning the heat up and up and we were all dying of the hot (except Barbara). During her tub time, her internal temperature had fallen to 95.5 degrees Fahrenheit. When she finally started complaining about the heat, her temp was back up into the 97 degree range.

We all ended up sitting around talking. Lori was feeding Barbara apple juice, doing the uterus massage, and taking temperatures, etc.

Eventually we were given our discharge instructions, which included how often to take temperatures, how to record bowel movements, yada yada. Since we were not staying in the hospital, we had to be able to spot the complications and take the records (and I was pretty good at this uterus massage thing). We did all that and 48 hours after the kidlets birth, Lori came by and did her 48 hour checkup of all the things that could go wrong. Barbara checked out just fine.

Barbara recovered from the double tear very quickly, and was back to mostly normal in a few days. The reason for the double tear was that the relaxin hormone had loosened her up so much that there was little to no structural resistance to Katie coming down the birth canal. There was no moulding at all of the head, which is only normal for C-section births.

We came home around 12:30pm, and Chris made us a nice burrito lunch. Barbara and I then went and collapsed. Mark & Sam went off to their tournament. Dave & Chris stayed the night and helped as they could. Barbara's parents were on their way and there was very little lapse in company between David & Chris leaving and Rich & Ginger getting there.

They stayed the first week and helped a lot more than we expected. I had originally wanted both sets of parents out, then had decided not to do that. They decided to come anyway and it turned out more helpful than I had thought.

We struggled with exhaustion the first few days. On the second full day, Katie woke up HUNGRY!!!!. It was very difficult to deal with a screaming kid who wanted food, but mom's milk had not come in yet. We tried and tried to get her to feed on colostrums, but couldn't. Barbara's milk came in a half day after that, but Katie would just get into a screaming snit if you put a breast in her face. Everyone was frustrated and we tried reading all the resources we had to figure out what was wrong.

Sometime the next day, Katie had shut back down. She was gaunt looking, loose flaps of skin where her birth fat had been used up, and she was sleeping again and not trying to eat. So at 1:45am we called the maternity ward at the local hospital (figuring they would be up) and made a first available appointment with the lactation consultant for 7am. At 6:45am we were sitting in the waiting area, mom's milk leaking all down the front of her shirt, and Katie very displeased with life.

Turns out, Barbara's nipples were too flat but we had the right crutch (a nipple shield). We thought this shield was the type to help shape and pull out the nipples, but in fact it's more like an artificial nipple. We were very confused.

Seems that Katie was too upset to try to eat, so Joyce showed us how to calm her down (the human pacifier). Then we had the nipple shield on right, but Katie would have no part of it. Turns out the little monster (humor) was extremely into instant gratification and if it wasn't food, she wanted no part of it. We found that expressing a little into the shield helped get her attention and thus she would start eating.

In a few weeks, Barbara's nipples had changed over to the "correct" geometry and we hardly ever use the crutch any more. Katie has also figured out where the food comes from, so that's much better. She still hasn't (as of 3 1/2 weeks old) figured out that putting her arms in front of the breast blocks the food, and then she gets mad when she can't get the nipple in her mouth (Barbara calls this baby wrestling).

So, after that consultation, we managed to get 2 oz of milk into her. We had weighed her before feeding at 7 pounds 3.7 oz (she had lost 15% of her bodyweight which is dangerous) and afterwards we weighed her again.

Anyhow, she slept good with a full belly. We took her home happy and relieved. The next feeding went pretty well and Katie was milk drunk (we have an awesome picture of her post drink blissful sleep with drying milk down both cheeks in a super limp baby pose). She was still incredibly weak so the feedings were not long and we had to wake her for them.

Thinking we had the world conquered, we then ran into our next nemesis, belly / intestinal gas. Ouch. She cried and cried and cried. We had no idea how to effectively burp her, so she still screamed a long time. We eventually figured it out though.

So, that is the bulk of the story. I am sure I could fill out another 7 pages with details, but I am going to stop. I could also get into the road trip fun when she was around 2 weeks old, her first cold during that, etc... but not right now.