After Katie, it was clear to us we probably wouldn't be having any more kids. At least this is where my head was. She's wonderful (2.5 yrs old at this writing and only had about 4 months of "terrible twos" and is out of it already), but I thought we were basically done.

Then in January 2005, B starts talking about wanting another kid and wants to be pregnant again. Somehow (must have been chemicals & genetically programmed responses involved) all my worries / talking myself out of another / etc just vanished.

We were visiting David and Chris in Elmdale, KS that weekend when we decided to go for it. B also says to me "I swear I just felt an egg drop and I need to be fertilized NOW!". Oh hell, throw me into that briar patch! :). D&C take KT for a nap and we made our first attempt.

Which didn't go. Amazing that. Shucks. Here briar patch!

I must admit that sex for the sake of procreation is very different from regular/pleasure sex (and is better).

Anyhow, turns out February was the magic month. Man that was a short trip through the briar patch. First time we took around 6 months though we were not trying very hard. We tried to hit the window this time and hit it right square on.

So we concieve and the adventure begins.

It's very clear from the start that this pregnancy is way different than last. First, B is finishing up MBA school. Second, we already have KT and we have to keep attention on her. Third was the fact we'd done it before. We didn't have to spend months reading baby books and all that jazz. It was old hat this time (the learning part).

Things progressed. B grew a belly monster. A really active belly monster. Much more active than KT.

I figured early on it was a boy because of the whole maximum chaos theory. You know, we know some stuff about girls now, have these illusions about how much stuff kids will actually get into, etc (KT is amazingly well behaved about getting into Stuff!).

We talked early on and another difference this time is we didn't really have a preference for gender. The first time we really did want a girl, this time we were indifferent. We wanted what nature dealt us. I could see us having a boy and rejoicing in difference and the whole "Me MAN have boy! Ugh!" thing, but girls are pretty amazing themselves. So, either way.

Then M2 (Short for Monster 2, even shorter version of Belly Monster #2) started raising a ruckus inside mama and I was pretty sure it was a boy. I think there were some of the whole heart-rate slowing signs and whatnot, but as I said I wasn't really involved in the new kid stat fascination (also I didn't go to every appointment at the birth center like last time :).

One major difference this time was that B's body was causing her severe problems. Last time she was falling apart, needed a cane, etc, but was always able to cope. This time was about an order of magnitude worse. We're talking wheelchairs, canes, handicap tags, riding around in the motorized carts in Target / Grocery Store, seeing chiropractor multiple times a week, etc. Wicked bad. So bad that the baby managed to dislocate her RIBS with a kick.

You don't really understand just how important ligaments are until you sit and watch you sweetie suffer so much and there isn't much you can do. You want to throw her over your shoulder to carry her and realize that'd probably dislocate all her ribs. It was wicked ugly this time, so bad we will NOT be having another natural-birth child. We MIGHT adopt if we get struck by some even crazier insantity but we're all done doing it the home-made way :). I have my eye on the snipper doc and I want B to get fixed too. Double protection :).

Things got so bad emotionally that B's friend Beth felt the need to come repay an old debt (one B didn't really feel was a debt, but was told to me this is what was happening). Amazingly Beth dropped her life for a whole month and change to come out and help around the house, etc. Amazing. Thanks Beth!

Also, the grandparents (B's 'rents) came out just after Beth did (about a week or so later). They were going to spend a lot of time w/ KT bonding as well as prepping to take her during the actual delivery. KT quickly became super buddies with them and all the past weirdness seemed to be better. Of course the day before the birth grandparents turned into "I'M SCARY!" (KT's phrase for "I am scared of XYZ". She wouldn't have ANYTHING to do with them the day of the birth. Yay. Still they came out & bonded. Thanks Grandparents!

Things started getting "interesting" about 4 weeks from the ends. At 37 weeks gestational age we are capable of delivering at the birth center. B was struggling daily wondering if she could make it. We rejoiced at 37 weeks and pulled out our "secret trick".

See, last time we ate at Jason's deli and within 24 hours KT was born. A while later we ate at JD again and some friends had their kid within 24 hours. Ahhh .... a secret trick!

So, we arranged to have EVERYONE eat at Jason's Deli on a Sunday night, 4 weeks to the HOUR before KT's birth. We had a huge crowd. Yay!

It also worked. Sort of. B started having contractions that night. Some pretty powerful. Yay we have take off! Not.

Days progress, contractions don't let up. At some point (maybe a week or two later ?) the contractions are strong and regular. We call the birth center. Norla, the midwife, calls us back and tells B to get into the tub. Getting in the tub will calm false contractions and will not bother real ones.

The contractions stop so B can get sleep.

Remember that week ? B was EXHAUSTED. Never mind the added stress of having so many folks around (even though we wanted them here and they were all pretty wonderful really), never mind everything.

So, the next night B's at it again and Josie Norris (the MD who runs the birth center) calls to check up on B. Pretty cool since we weren't actually calling them that night. Josie tells B to drink a little alcohol. We were suprised since that is a no-no, but apparently this is a time-tried-honored way of stopping premature labor (a small amount of alcohol).

A healthy shot of Chambord later and BAM, no contractions for a week. B's rested and relaxed, other than being super stressed about all the pain / wishing it was over / etc.

It was sometime in here that B collapsed an emotional wreck. Turns out I made a tactical error w/ Jason's Deli. I put all the attention on the baby who statistically wouldn't be born for another 4 weeks (and amazingly was "right on time" per the stats I found). She was feeling the stress in a wicked way. She felt that every day she didn't deliver she was letting us all down and was a huge failure! It was a wicked trap and I was very unhappy about having accidentally started this going.

Yeah, a lot of hormones involved but still. It was way, way, way overboard. I don't blame B at all either mind you. She was in crazy pain / frustration / joints falling apart, couldn't get to town hardly, etc... And the whole time there wasn't much I could do. One night it was so bad that I just had to hold her. Everything I said made it worse. I just held her for like an hour.

So we are at the point where she's not contracting much for almost a week. At some point they started back up and the Sunday before birth we measured the 5-1-1 conditions, i.e. contractions every 5 mins, lasting 1 min, for 1 hour. We called the birth center and said we don't feel like coming in and after some discussion it was decided to go to bed. The contractions peter out.

The next morning was the Monday before Garrett was born. We met the grandparents for breakfast (and KT handoff). I get dropped at work around 9ish. B is heading to the chiropractor and I am settling into work. B and Beth are planning to go to birth center to get a physical exam and see what is going on (after getting an adjustment to her skeletal system).

Dr. Chris also practices accupuncture and the chinese have accupuncture points for starting labor. Voila, it works. At 9:45 I get a call informing me it would be a good idea for me to go to the birth center with B and Beth. They were going anyway for some reason, but I was told it would be a good idea for me to go.

About half way there I am looking at her contractions again and things are looking like it might be real. I started calling people telling them it would be a good idea to head this way. B keeps telling me it doesn't feel real, but I don't care.

A few mins later B informs me it feels real. So we've effectively pulled the fire-alarm. Everyone is on the way. Chris was a slow poke, but everyone else made it in plenty of time, for the false alarm.

Yep, we get there and take B up to the recording machine. They're busy and we're steady having contractions every few mins, including some "strong" feeling ones.

The recording machine is going along .... and B is supposed to press the button at the start of each contraciton. Great. People are filtering in a little at a time. At first it was just Beth, Barbara and myself.

After a while the machine starts beeping like crazy. Ugh. We press the button again and bliss, it's not making any noise.

Norla eventually comes in and the machine is out of paper. At this point everyone but Chris is there. Norla puts more paper in the machine and we start over. Oh yeah, I might add this was a closet of a room and we had a lot of people in there :).

Eventually Norla comes back and says that B has had only one REAL contraction the whole time. Yessir, we're up to 3 weeks of braxton-hicks, aka "false labor".

Oh, it was ugly. B fell apart bad. Lots of crying. We could barely get her out of there (eventually). She was having a very rough time. Things like "if I go home right now I will NOT leave the house again until the kid is born" and "this kid will never be born" (and meaning it)., etc. etc. etc. Keep in mind we hadn't actually hit the kid's due-date yet ... but it was way bad anyhow.

The weather outside was FABULOUS, like 75 or 80 degrees. A good day for getting some air. However, it was getting on past noon at this point and I suggested we go get some food first. So, we all head over to Chili's on Wannamaker in Topeka (well, we headed that way blindy and eventually went to the chain).

Afterwards it turns out B is mostly up for some brain numbing in front of TV. Also Beth has a British show based on Neal Gaiman's Neverwhere book. So we all head home.

The grandparents are supposed to show up w/ KT, so I stay out and take care of KT and interact w/ grandparents while they watch TV.

Much later that evening B is gathering her electronic 'gear', i.e. chargers, PDA, phone, etc. She's setting up shop and declares in a voice that almost sounds rational "I am not leaving the bedroom until the baby comes". I add that I bet she means the back end of the house (i.e. bedroom and bathroom :). She was dead serious, so I made her food and brought it back, brought her water, etc.

See, I thought she was being crazy but as I learned above rationality just doesn't matter. If this is what she needs then so darned be it I'll back her up.

The next morning I brought her a quart of icewater and all her pills (vitamins, etc). I told her I'll fully support her and I was helping by bringing the stuff she couldn't have gotten by herself. I head to work.

The next day I am making stuff for KT and there's a B outside the back of the house. I say "um, aren't you supposed to be back there ?". She says something like "if nobody else is here then I can come out a little". She also says something like "I felt silly when you said you fully supported me being back there". To which I replied something like "yes it is, but it's what you need and i'll support anything you need".

She got better and by Wednesday was going out of the house again. Still saying things, with a straight face / tone of voice, like "this baby will never be born" and "I'll never not be pregnant again". She ment it, even knowing she wasn't 100% rational.

Days tick along. Saturday I go for GROCERIES! I ended up with 400$ worth of groceries. The ONLY thing they did not have was the castor oil. Let me back up a second.

Castor oil has been used for a very long time as a natural way of inducing labor that doesn't involve chemicals we can't use at the birth center. Chemical induction at the hospital was still 2 weeks away (thanksgiving time) and at that point it was definately hospital no matter what. Time's a ticking in addition to being impatient.

So, we decided it couldn't hurt to try the whole castor oil thing (it was also recommended by birth center, it really works). But the grocery store was OUT. I also had a tired kid and a load of groceries in a relatively hot outside.

We call grandparents and ask them to pick some up on the way out the next day. They do. The next day is Sunday, i.e. 11/13/05, i.e. Garrett's Birthday.

Here is where the fun starts :).

For those who are unfamiliar with castor oil, it's a natural laxative. A pretty powerful one at that. The theory of induction is you take one early in the morning and another dose 4 hours later. Then later that evening things get interesting.

First thing (i.e. 9:30am, 3 hours after I've gotten up w/ KT :), B takes the first dose. It worked well. B was up a LOT running to the bathroom. At 1:30pm she takes the second dose. At this point nothing is wanting to settle in her tummy and there was lots and lots of running to the bathroom. You'd think there would be nothing left :).

Hours progress. Mark & Sam come over. KT had been such a monster that grandparents had left during her nap. John makes a quick dinner of carribean rice, yummmmm. As the dinner is cooking and M&S show up there is a decision to walk the neighbor dog home since he's not seeming to go home. The neighbor's kid (Owen) and friend came over to take down a tree and they ended up leaving gus accidentally in the garage, so gus didn't see them leave, so he kept staying around looking for Owen.

They come back from the walk, dinner is a few mins out. We set the table. Somewhere in here B announces she is going to lay in the tub. Ok.

She starts having some contractions in the tub so Beth gets the watch / paper out. The first recorded contraction (he says as he looks over at the paper) was 6:24pm. This is while we're all eating. B is in and out of the tub, sitting on the toilet, etc. Contractions continue.

Dinner is over, so I head back to hold B on the bed (oh yeah, she got out of the tub). We get covers on her and I have the computer next to me chatting w/ David on AIM. I am telling him things look like they might be heating up so he should consider heading up. He asks if dinner is OK, I look at B's contractions times and how some of them were nowhere near as strong as others (some were full screamers). It looks irregular and nowhere near the steady contraction we expect, so it's OK. We did call the grandparents to go ahead and come over and get ready to take KT to the RV for the night.

So around 5 or 10 until 7pm I am telling David to not dawdle, but don't drop everything.

B gets up to pee. She starts moaning, so I record the "start" time, 7:03pm.

The moans don't stop, they keep ratcheting up. They ratchet up to a full bore scream and then a scream of "CALL THE BIRTH CENTER NOOOOOWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mark and I run in and there is a baby's head sticking out. Oh. Crap. Did I mention she was on the toilet holding the kids head ? Did I mention I had multiple times kidded with her to NOT do exactly that ?

The next few mins are a blur, but I knew we might need a suction bulb, so I scream out "get me suction". Useful huh ? Clarification is given as to what and where.

In the meantime there is blood & kid coming out (not too much blood, just what you'd expect). Mark and I both are holding the kid. I remember that a tight cord around the neck causes brain damage. I feel and there is cord around the kid's neck. I think about panicing, but B and Mark say 'relax, that is normal', and it wasn't tight, so I relax.

Mark says he tought the kid was staying in too long so he reached in felt around the shoulder which freed the kid up and POP it's out in our hands. I take the kid and I see a penis as we're flipping. LAST time I didn't look until people yelled at me and I didn't look on purpose but it was hard to miss as it went by so I yelled out "BOY".

Mark gets the kid and starts gently patting it's back. Here's where my knowledge really lacked. I thought to the movies for my example and was glad clearer heads prevailed. One thing I have learned about real childbirth is that it bears no resemblence to childbirth in TV and getting a childbirth education is important.

Somewhere in all of this I also ask for string (to tie cord with). Again I get dumb looks on the order of "where the hell do I find that in your house". This time they found a piece of knitted yarn that made something on a jacket. It was unravelled and voila, string. Scissors were also produced. Excellent.

Kids out and starting to breathe, but I think he's too blue and he's just not giving me a good scream. I am not really happy and I don't know what to do if he doesn't clear up the airway. At the time I also forgot that as long as the umbilical is still pumping he has a tiny while to get things going. Yay Mother Nature!

Eventually I get the "damnit I am mad" scream I was wanting. Yay! Full good lungs. I love that scream when they're born.

Mark siphons out some snot somewhere in there (the bulb was found).

At this point the kid is out and healthy and trying to nurse. Mom is fine-ish so I do some running around for things. I come back and mom & kid are in bathtub. Good stuff. I do some uterus massage to get it to contract up properly.

I found out later that Beth had looked in enough to see a kid's head coming out and picked KT up and wisked her out of the room. Poor KT was freaked OUT. She seriously needed some daddy loving, but daddy was busy busy busy. That was one of the things I did while out doing things (I gave her hugs, loving words, kisses, etc ... but I couldn't stay. Jeez, from her perspective mama was screaming, daddy was barking orders at folks in a way she hadn't heard ... it must have been very very scary!

One of the other things I do is to swing by the computer to tell David and Chris. David is offline, but Chris is on. I type in "you missed it, oops", then ran to do more stuff.

One thing was to talk to Midwife and inform them of what happened and figure out what else to do. We've done everything perfectly and there isn't much else to do except get her to birth center to get checked out (mama and baby).

Grandparents show up in here somewhere.

At some point Mark brings a double sack and I get the afterbirth out of the toilet and put it in the sack. Apparently doing this without getting squeamish bought me some cool points or something. It just needed to be done and I am not going to ask anyone else to do it for me. Why ? ... it's just something gooey :).

So, it's off, the toilet is flushed. At this point there is nothing to do and I am sitting beside B at the bathtub and I am in front of the toilet, so I ask for cleaning chemicals :).

Yessir, my kids only 20 mins old and the bathtub is running red with my sweetie in it, but I'm cleaning the toilet. With that many hands and everyone relaxing there wasn't much to do and I was wound up with adreneline :).

Somewhere in there the kid poops all over mama in the tub. It's clear the castor oil is in his system too :). We get up and move her to the bedroom. Norla has called back and is apparently going to come visit us at home YAY!!!!. Mark is going to meet her and guide her in. On the way out Gus the dog jumps behind his car (yep, remember the dumb dog ?). In swerving to miss gus, BAM he hits the grandparents car. Crap. We'll deal later.

Everyone is fine. B gets out of the tub and gets the MASSIVE shivvers. Beth becomes a human blanket behind B. We get her blankets and her winter knitted hat. She gets warmer, eventually.

Minutes pass, things are settled. David and Chris are called. All the parents and grandparents are called, etc.

(if this sounds chaotic and disjointed, it was ... very much so).

Bad thing is that there was no way David and Chris could have made it at all. From the start of contractions we were recording to kid coming was 40 mins. They live 90 mins away. B says the first small contractions started about 20-30 mins before we started recording, so call "labor" 70 mins. Still wouldn't have made it. Oh well. They REALLY wanted to, esp after having missed KT's by about 2 mins.

At some point in there I asked Sam to take KT to bed. It was about an hour after her bedtime and Mama was still bleeding on her 'normal' bed and not likely to be done anytime soon. Sam tried and looks like would have made it, but I did take some time to relieve her and get the kid down (after Norla was in the middle of the checkup). So I missed weighing the kid, etc. Oh well.

All is well, everyone healthy. We did fine.

I'll just tell you that I can't express how happy I am that I "caught" the first time, and took that seriously. I read a lot about childbirth and had a pretty decent idea what all could go wrong, etc. I had forgotten most of it, but I rememebered enough that with Mark's knowledge we did just fine. Don't know what we'd have done with any complications but the kid came out just fine. Yay!

Everyone sat around talking. 4 hours after birth B and I are laying down w/ kids trying to get to sleep. Couldn't do it. Too wound up. Oh well.

The next morning we had a naming session. Eventually settled on Garrett. Now I REALLY need to get some sleep (this is second night and the kid is definately looking like he is finally waking up from the 24 hours of sleepy that follows the birth.